I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
