Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
