I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
