I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Randomize
