If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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