Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
