I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
