you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Randomize
