I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
