fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Your dad touched me again.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
