My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
