Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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