return my video game
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
