My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
