I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
