I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
