She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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