Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
