The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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