the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
