There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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