OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
