OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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