wat bout pragnant strippers??
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Also, beer. Big fan.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
