I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
