Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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