Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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