Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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