can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
