You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
