I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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