I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
