I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
