this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
