I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
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