I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
