I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
