have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
