dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
