You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize
