wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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