He is an equal opportunity slut.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
