I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
