Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
