two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
