I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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