Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
