fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
