you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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