i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
