I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
